The Ones I'll Never Forget

I have wanted to write this post for a while now, but I wasn’t sure what to say. Teaching is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and there have been plenty of times when I have wondered if I was even cut out for this line of work. That thought discourages me because I have put a lot of work and time and money (thanks to my parents and the HOPE scholarship) into getting my degree and preparing myself to teach. Sometimes I feel like if I gave up, it would all be a waste.

But then, God does take us through everything for a reason. I don’t know what it would be, but I like to think that if I have done any good for at least one student, at least it wasn’t all a waste. And, if the experiences have taught me anything, then it would be even less of a waste.

They taught me to be patient, to look for other paths in life, to try to change what I can (including myself), and to accept what I cannot change.

This last one has always been the hardest for me, even before I started pursuing teaching. Between my volunteering, student teaching, tutoring and subbing experiences, I have met a few students I remember particularly well.  For a while now, I have kept an informal list of them in my head, but now 

I realize that what they all have in common is that were forced to accept that last lesson much earlier than I was. Maybe I remember them so well because their lives were so alien to me.

I originally wanted to tell each of their stories anonymously so that all of you could understand what I meant by that, but they aren’t my stories to tell. As a teacher, or a semi-teacher, I was only an uninvited spectator to these stories. They’re only kids, and while right now they have to accept what they cannot change, eventually they will be in a position to decide whether to change what they can. If 

I was to tell you what little of their lives I observed, I would be reading a book before it has been written. They’ll tell their stories through their choices.

And so will I.  Right now, I have decided to tone down my search for a full-time teaching job. I am not giving up. In fact, I had a job interview yesterday, but I have narrowed my efforts and am playing with the idea of other career paths on the side. If the opportunity for a teaching job comes up, I will take it, but I am accepting that I can’t change the job market or the working conditions for substitute teachers and choosing to change my approach to the situation.

Thank you for being a spectator to my story,

Kelli